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It’s stressful when your baby won’t stop crying. Really stressful…

But here we learn a few techniques using just your voice. Good luck (Picture: Getty/iStockphoto) We all know that person.

The one who, when picking up a screaming and crying baby, somehow manages to instantly get them to stop crying (it’s not usually us).

Listening to our baby cry inconsolably our arms usually means instant stress – and as we get more stressed and the baby gets more frantic, it gets increasingly hard to calm them.

But what if you could hypnotise your baby to sleep? We all love a baby-calming secret – so we spoke to award-winning hypnotherapist Malminder Gill to find out if there is a way to get a baby to stop crying using just your voice.

And the good news is – yes, there is. Here’s how to do it: Speak in a lower register (no high pitches, whispering or shushing): Studies show that a lower tone of voice makes a big impact on everyone, including babies.

People respond to tone of voice in ways that predate modern speech by tens of thousands of years.

A lot depends on how you sound when you speak to others. One of the exciting developments of the 21st century is the growing understanding of Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response or ASMR – a  description for a mental as well as a physical sensation you can have when you listen to someone speak to you in a low, pleasant, soothing voice.

This is what you want to do for your little one. If done right, when they hear the sound of your voice, they will experience a tingling sensation in their brains, or even a tingling feeling along their spine that resembles goose bumps. Others become either dazed or drowsy. This is what you are aiming for.

Why no shhhhing? Bear in mind that when a child cries, the most common reaction is to try and stop it as quickly as possible, and loud shushing is frequently advised. But my experience shows that tears are part of the natural process of healing.

Research supports the theory that crying can make us feel happier and healthier as part of the body’s natural recovery from upsets and stress – it leaves the baby feeling calmer afterwards. And remember that an infant’s first language is crying – it’s how they release what is sometimes overwhelming emotional stress.

Therefore, I would advise against ‘shushing’. You are not trying to shut your baby up as fast as possible. That is not what they need. They need a loving and active listener who reflects a calm and soothing attitude that they can connect with and mirror.

Learn diaphragmatic breathing for a more pleasant sound

Diaphragmatic breathing helps you to create a softer and more pleasant sound in the voice. If you have a strong or even harsh voice normally, it will give you a sufficient ‘cushion’ of air that will help diminish the harshness.

Also try this: let all the air in your lungs go out and then speak. A deeper, more soothing tone emerges.

Take a deep breath from your diaphragm to make sure your lungs fill with air – that way your voice ‘floats’ softly and pleasurably, with no sharp edges. 

Watch THEIR breath

You will find that your baby listens a lot more closely to your tone and what you are saying if you speak on the baby’s outbreath only. This is when they can hear you.

The outbreath is the big ‘waily’ sound that comes at the end, just before they take their deep inhale to start over again. Sometimes you may find it helpful to gently hum to them if they are frantically crying – on the outtake of breath when it’s quiet before the next giant wail – because even if they cannot hear words at that stage, they can hear the gentle sound of humming.

Remember, if they are crying and upset, they are not listening to you as they wail. They are hearing themselves. Make sure you are listening to them and their breathing and waiting until your voice and tone will be properly heard. Wait until they settle down enough to hear you, or if there are spaces in between gulps of air, as it slows down, speak then.

Hug the baby and start by matching their breathing, then move on to ‘breathing in and out’ louder at first then quieter and quieter. Start by matching their energy and take the lead in slowly reducing the high emotion.

Start by saying a word on each outbreath then gradually say a word to every other outbreath and then a word to every 3rd outbreath – this pace will slow them down, and eventually stop crying in order to hear what YOU are saying. This should be very simple repeating statements such as, ‘breathing in and breathing out’, ‘mummy loves you, good girl/boy. Don’t try to change it up, the more repetitive it is the better.

Relax your vocal cords to sound more soothing We all know when our shoulders are tight from stress – but did you know your vocal cords get tight too? Once you’re breathing well and you know how to create a more balanced sound, make sure to pay attention to how relaxed your vocal cords are.

The vocal cords (the thyroarytenoid muscles) are actually folds of muscle in the larynx and when speaking, the exhaled air activates these folds so they vibrate, producing sound waves that we hear as someone’s voice.

And like any other muscles, these vocal folds can become tight when we are stressed and experiencing tension. Very much like how we feel when our baby cries! To test it out at home: just tighten your vocal cords when speaking and listen carefully to the sound it makes. You will be able to hear the harshness.

Now relax them completely, using a soft, breathy, voice – it will sound much warmer and very soothing. Try making a relaxed voice the way you speak to your baby all of the time, you’ll be amazed at the difference.

No baby voice The high-pitched, sing-song voice that many adopt in order to talk to babies is great during normal play and activity – studies show that babies are attracted to it and it may stimulate listening and learning.

However, when your baby is in great distress and crying you may find that a low register, gentle voice is more effective and soothing and calming. Slow and steady A crying baby makes everyone jumpy, especially if you are its mum or dad.

If you speak quickly and with anxiety, they will surely sense this. Don’t make any sudden changes in tone, speed, pitch, volume. Do your best not to rush through, keep your pace steady and slow, emphasising the calm that you are looking for them to model themselves.

The more you can keep the tone of your voice monotonous, the better your result will be.

I use this in my hypnotherapy practice on adults – because it has the same soothing effect and induces drowsiness – exactly what you want with your little one.

The look of love Establishing connection is vital. When you look at people and relate to them, you connect at a deeper level. Eye contact and speaking with clear intention are what make it work.

There’s all the difference in the world between someone speaking or reading something aloud and actually participating in a conversation. When you look tenderly at your baby, he or she will hears the result. Your love and warmth will shine through and your baby will immediately hear this and make the connection.

Truly, there is no greater sound to a baby than the voice of its mother. Study after study show that babies learn their mother’s voice in the womb and can recognise their voices after birth.

Think about the sounds that calm you and help you relax, whether it be classical music, sounds from nature, or just a soothing tone of voice, and include those in your life as often as possible – offering them to your little one when he or she is in distress.

Soothing voices and tones can play a huge role in helping reduce stress for both you and your baby.’

Picture: Getty/iStockphoto)